I woke up in a start..
Blinking rapidly,I could see that I’m before a plain cement wall,not standing,not
Sitting either.
My mind wandered here and there and I suddenly felt hot all over.sweat broke out
between my cleavages and ran down my stomach and ended up in my deep navel.
I tried to focus..squinting at the sun rays pouring through the window up in the wall.
Oh,I was lying on my side on something quite soft,slowly,I came back to earth.like a blast of cold air,I suddenly remembered everything.I had been haunted in my dream and I am left shivering in its wake.
Now I recall where I am,this is Aunt Taiye’s house in Kelebe,Osun state,I am here because OAU has gone into its ‘hibernating’ mood and her students have been sent home till further notice.
Groaning, I tried to sit up- gosh,I don’t want to be here I screamed in my thoughts,I want to be anywhere else but here!
Perhaps at OgoOluwa with grandma or Owode Ilesa road with mom’s Aunt or better still at Ede with elder sister.
Recently,life has been so blue I have been convincing myself that I ain’t depresses..no,I can’t be..everybody has been getting on my nerves,desecrating my wall of solitude,telling me that I can talk to them..
I laughed softly and winced, regretting my action..my head is spinning and my eyes seem to be on fire.what is wrong with me for goodness sake?why can’t I be like the other girls?why is it taking so long for me to straighten my life?
I sat up and made it to the wall,relaxing my back..I remembered that no one dragged me here,I have come here on my own will and dads’..what was it he had said to me again..okay,he’d said “you either go to Taiye’s house or you come back to Abuja’.
I had panicked at that..for Abuja is the last place I want to be.all my life I had lived and grown up at Abuja,then I had fallen in love or so I thought and I had paid for it big time!I still choke on my tears when I think about it all.
So you see,I had no choice but to come to Kelebe..it’s still far better than going ‘home’.I had come to Aunt Taiye’s place yesterday around five p.m and I had gone to bed immediately after dinner stammering my ‘eese ma,odaaro’ before falling into a deep sleep,thinking about it now,I thought I had been in the abyss.
I slid out of bed and got my backpack,rummaging through,I found what I was searching for..my diary.
I’m going to write out what I remembered,I’ll take things slow and write out just what I had dreamt about.
Alas,I have forgotten.
That’s what have been happening to my poor soul for quite some time now,I’ll dream and forget it on waking up.
Fine then, I’ll write out a fragment of my thoughts..if I don’t,I think I’ll blow up.
Title: A stranger in black.
Mocked I am,
For a stranger in black
leaning against the wall
His back to me
a very taunting posture,
and an haunting voice
had said to me..
‘Physician,heal thyself’,
he’d laugh
and like a wisp of smoke
and a little magic,
he’d stolen my dream.
Bizarre,
All I thought of
was the end,
The end to this pain
and this feeling that
I can’t go on.
Maybe,just maybe..
I’ll die today,
and get over it.
Or maybe,just maybe,
I’ll be haunted
In my grave,
by that stranger..
That stranger in black.
Sighing sadly,I closed the diary,my book of thoughts..and sank slowly into that mood I can never describe.
BTW, I am Sade.